Parental Conflict

If your parents or carers argue a lot, it can be tough and confusing. You might feel caught in the middle and not sure what to do.

It's important to remember that these arguments are not your fault. Parents sometimes have disagreements and emotions can get out of control, but this has nothing to do with you or anything you've done.

Arguments at home can create a tense and unhappy atmosphere and it's hard to see people you care about arguing. Make sure you look after your own well-being and seek help when you need it.

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Our Experiences

By young people, for young people

"It used to be just small arguments between my mum and dad, but then it turned into fighting. It made me really upset at the time, but they've split up now and are both much happier apart. "

Jamie, Age 15

(Some names changed to protect people's identities)

All You Need to Know

It's easy to think that you've done something wrong or your actions have caused the arguments, but that's not the case.

Sometimes dealing with emotions can cause people to have arguments - that's not a result of anything you did or didn't do. It's also not up to you to fix their problems or make everything right.

Hearing your parents or carers argue can make you feel sad, guilty or angry - that's normal, but it's important to remember you are not to blame.
Dealing with family conflicts can make you feel all kinds of emotions, and it's important to have a healthy way to let those feelings out.

Find someone you trust and talk to them about how you're feeling. You can be honest and tell them if you feel sad, angry, confused, or even guilty. Sharing your emotions with someone you trust can really help and make you feel less alone.

If talking is hard, activities like writing in a journal, drawing pictures or making music can all help.

Finding friends with similar experiences can also help to make you feel more supported.
Sometimes, talking to friends and family is enough, but you might also need to speak to a professional person for help.

Talking to a school or college counsellor who works with young people can be helpful with difficult issues at home. They can listen to you, provide a safe space and teach you ways to cope.

If you can't get professional help right away, there are helplines like Chathealth or Childline.

ChatHealth is a secure NHS approved text messaging service. If you're 11-19 you can text ChatHealth for anonymous and confidential advice and guidance from a health professional. ChatHealth is available Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm.

Text: ChatHealth Norfolk on 07480 635060

You can talk to a Childline counsellor on 0800 1111.

If your parents have separated and you are worried about your family arrangements, you can contact Child Contact Centre for advice.
It’s not your job to fix the arguments. Their conflicts are between them, not because of anything you did.

While it's normal to want to help and make things better, it's also important to focus on your own feelings. You can't change their actions, but you can control how you respond and set your own boundaries.

Setting boundaries means knowing what you can and can't handle. It's okay to say "no" if they try to involve you in their arguments or make you uncomfortable. Let your parents or carers know that you love them, but you need some time and space to think about your own feelings. It's okay to protect yourself and make choices that are best for you.

Who Can Help?

You can talk to your parents or carers, or a trusted adult within your school or setting, or any trusted friend.

If you live in Norfolk:

If you're 11-19 you can text ChatHealth on 07480 635060 for anonymous and confidential advice from a health professional. ChatHealth is available Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm.

You can also contact the Norfolk Healthy Child Programme by calling Just One Number on 0300 300 0123. Our opening hours are 8am-6pm Monday-Friday (excluding bank holidays) and 9am-1pm on Saturdays.

If you live in Waveney:

You can call the Suffolk School Nursing service on 0345 607 8866 or email childrenshealth@suffolk.gov.uk.

Child Contact Centres offer advice to young people whose parents have separated and they are dealing with changes of family arrangements, like who to live with. Their information line 0115 948 4557 is open Monday to Friday between 9am-1pm.

Childline - if you're under 19, you can call 0800 1111 for free support.

Kooth offers online counselling, advice and emotional well-being support 7 days a week until 10pm.